Have you ever noticed that whenever someone is killed from a shark attack those National Geographic/surfer types always pull out the ol' standby statistic that you are more likely to be hit by lightning than attacked by a shark?
Well, DUH!
Anyone who goes outside is at risk from being struck by lightning. It takes more than going outside to be attacked by a shark.
You might say swimmers are at a greater risk of shark attack than the average person, but not even all swimmers are at risk.
You would have to be swimming in the ocean to be at risk of a shark attack.
Which brings me to the point of this post. Do you know the best way to keep from being attacked by a shark? Stay away from them. Period.
I could so arrange my life to be absolutely positive that I will never be attacked by a shark.
In that same cautious manner, I could protect myself, and so could you, from ever having a perfectly innocent friendly relationship with someone of the opposite sex who is not my spouse turn into something more than it should be. (Don't they all start out as innocent and friendly?)
It is my habit to stick close to my husband because we enjoy one another's company. If I ever have the occasion, though, to be in a gathering without him, I do not feel comfortable chumming it up with other men.
I love to talk and laugh and really do enjoy being social, but I think it is a risky behavior to put myself in a position to enjoy talking to a man who is not my husband while he is not present.
A few years ago, my husband and I were acquainted with a man whose wife had suddenly left him to raise his young children alone. He was quite devastated and called me on the phone a couple of times to see if I could help him with childcare. He was understandably lonely and depressed and wanted a shoulder to cry on, so to speak.
Even though I wanted to help him, I immediately felt uncomfortable with being that shoulder and put him in touch with my husband, who listened and empathized and tried to give him a few encouraging words.
Do you know what the chances are that my acquaintance with that man would have turned into an inappropriate relationship? NONE. It was never allowed to happen because I did not put myself into a risky situation.
I think it is risky behavior for anyone to become friendly with someone of the opposite sex who is not their spouse, so I don't do it.
Eliminating that risk eliminates the possibility of impropriety.
No one ever gets attacked by a shark on land.
----------------------------------------------
Read a related post at The Common Room.
Also, see "Can Men and Women Be Friends?" at Pursuing Holiness.
12 comments:
I completely agree and I operate the same way. While it may seem a little extreme to some, it's like you said...it keeps all of the negative possibilities OUT of the equation.
awesome...and absolutely correct. It's really not that hard to avoid situations like that ya know?
With a husband who's gone often for military stuff..I have ample opportunities to make ''friends'' with other men, but I don't. I have one or two males (who's wives are my friends) that I trust to help man up my boys once in awhile, but that's it.
'No one is ever attacked by a shark on land.' I'm going find a way to use that phrase!!
**sorry I deleted that comment before. Wrong email, that's my pwoc email LOL. Darn it!!
That is so true! Thank you so much for this post, it really hit home for me. I really love my husband, but so do a lot of other women that end up becoming intimate with another man. Jesus says, "if your right eye causes you to sin gouge it out" (Matt. 5:29). Every recovering alcoholic knows, the best way to prevent relapse is to stay out of the bar. I don't consider your actions too extreme at all. Thank you for sharing your wisdom on this subject, I think a lot more married women struggle with this than would like to admit it.
I've been thinking about this a lot over the last month because two people close to me just left their husbands for their new best friend- a men with whom they allowed themselves to develop a close, close friendship.
One of them is an old, old friend. We grew up together, went to church together for ten years, our two families celebrated Thanksgiving together every year for about 9 years when we were kids. Now, we've gone our separate ways as we grew up and both moved away, but there was some renewed contact this last year and I was really enjoying getting in touch with her and her family again- and then, whammy. In the space of about two months she moved to another state, divorced her husband, and then announced that she was remarried and all the naysayers should just shut-up, because she 'deserved to be happy.' And her brother, who was my age in school and we went to the same Bible college together and had the same 'crowd,' and he was in my brother's wedding- he's telling her that it's nobody else's business, and she 'deserves to be happy.'
This was also the argument of the other woman I know who left her husband (her husband is my relative, and he is a GREAT guy who absolutely adored her, and she makes no accusations against him except that he's grown boring, they've grown 'apart,' and he doesn't like to go out and party with friends like she does, so she deserves to be with her 'soul-mate' who, like her, isn't a home-body. She met cyber-boy soulmate on the internet and he became, as she called him, her BFF. And so she sent her husband off because she 'deserves to be happy.'
I'm spewing all over your blog, I know. But it's just been as painful to me as if somebody I loved walked up and hit me in the head with a brick and then kicked me in the stomach, all while smilingly telling me they simply had to follow their bliss. These people are both professing Christians. They even claim God comes first in their lives.
Point (really, I had one)- that attitude of "I deserve to be happy" is dangerous and self-destructive, as dangerous and self-destructive as the friendships. Combine it with those outside friendships and it's like gas and a match to your marriage.
My suggestion is to make sure your husband is also your best friend, that way you are not looking elsewhere for "friendship". It can be tough, my best friend in college was a guy, but he was also friends with my husband. Once we became married and he became married our friendship took a different path and now his wife and I are good friends and when we get together the men do thier stuff and the girls do thier stuff or we all hang out together...
It's a very good point that you make:)
I absolutely agree, 100%. It's been a challenge at certain times in our marriage (like when dh was deployed and worked closely with females) but neither one of us has kept close friendships with the opposite sex.
April C.
Agreed! And I am amazed at how so many people seem ready to excuse or forgive that man! He broke the trust of so many people by his actions. He lied and cheated. What will prevent him from doing the same thing in his job as governor??
Even if the temptation isn't there. We should refrain from even the appearance of "evil".
My first thought was "well DUH" but obviously people aren't getting it because they keep putting themselves at risk.
As for me, Hubby was married before to a wife who cheated on him alot. Because of this, I make sure that there is absolutely nothing that could cause my hubby to wonder if I am doing the same thing. Does he trust me? Yes, because I have never given him a reason to question that trust.
Great post Connie and wonderful point.
Blessings,
Kimberly
A wise woman builds her house and a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands...
Post a Comment