Monday, August 18, 2008

New Terrorist Interrogation Tactic Discovered

Stumble Upon Toolbar

We just got home from having our family portrait taken for a new church directory. Olan Mills brought their equipment and set up shop in the church library and nursery. There were chairs lining the hallway so we could sit while waiting our turn.

And wait we did. Then, we waited a little longer. And after that, we waited some more.

The kids were mad at me because I wouldn't let them get a drink from the water fountain. Or go anywhere. Or touch anything.

Who wants to spend all that time brushing hair and wiping faces and tying satin sashes only to have a big wet spot down the front of a dress preserved in color for years to come?

We were finally called to take our turn with the photographer, and after all that grooming and then waiting (WITH NO WATER!) the kids were a bit, shall we say, high strung.

Once, I saw a video of a child trying to put eels into a glass jar filled with water. (I think it was on America's Funniest Videos.) His task was to take all of the eels out of a tank that held them and place them in the jar, but as soon as he got one in the jar and reached into the tank for another, the first one would slide right out of the jar. He never could get more than one at a time to do what he wanted .


I know exactly how that kid felt. Have you ever tried to get seven children to look in the same direction at the same time? With pleasant expressions on their faces? Standing in a well spaced group? Without having any nose picking, somersaulting, or crying?

So that got me thinking. Forget water boarding. I think I'm on to something here. Can someone get me the number to the department of defense, or whoever is in charge of torturing, er, I mean interrogating suspected terrorists?

What I'm thinking is that if you put one of those bad boys into a tiny room with seven cranky children, all lit up with real hot lights, and force him to try to get just one decent photo of all of them smiling, that guy will be revealing his secrets in no time.

Now, I remember why our last family portrait was six years ago.

I think I'd rather put eels in a jar.


Rachel said...

ha ha. I can just picture it. This weekend my sis in law got married. The 5 nieces seven years and under were the flower girls. Trying to get them to all look pretty at the same time was a real barrel of fun. Plus one was cranky because she broke her foot two days before. Thankfully we might have gotten some good shots. I hope you get at least one picture that works for you. Our last family shot was two kids ago.

Anonymous said...

And did they take like the worst picture EVER and then try REALLY hard to get you to spend $200+ on pictures? Honestly, the number of church directory pictures that turn out good has got to be REALLY low!

Samara said...

Actually we were testing it out on you- we heard that you were a non conformist natalist who contributes money to religious organizations. We sent our torture units to "take your pictures" (while, conveniently, taking your pictures) and test out the new "patience torture" on you and your family of subversives.

How'd ithey turn out?

Pat's Place said...

I think that is why we have so few family portraits of our boys. And, now, we have tried to get a group picture of them in their adult state and they ALWAYS revert to their childhood ways! No decent family pictures for this group! Ever! I don't know what it is about photography that turns these adult boys into little boys again!

3 for school said...

I think that's why it is getting so popular to bring photographers into your own home (or chosen place like a park) for pictures. For one thing, you don't have to wait for them and the kids have their pick of their own quiet activities to do once you have them ready.

Donna(mom24boyz) said...

oooh I can so relate---we had a baby nearly a year and half ago. My last family portrait was nearly 3 years ago and the family is clamoring for another one. But I know it will be a trying day and I just keep putting it off. I agree, eels would be easier.

Nikki said...

lol. We rarely take family pictures. I recently got all four kids in a picture together. I decided on the one picture where there was no nose-picking and they were facing somewhat in the same direction. Overall, it's very mediocre picture. But no one fell off the table- so it's all good.

Blog Widget by LinkWithin

Swidget 1.0 6

Web Statistics