Sunday, May 27, 2007

Signs The Smockity Frocks Family Needs Some Intensive Pew Training

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Mom hears "I'm hungry!" eight times.

Mom hears "I'm thirsty!" twelve times.

Mom hears "Is it almost over?" seven times.

Mom hears "What time is it?" five times.

7 yr. old digs noisily in Mom's purse because she "needs" some lotion.

While Mom is asking 5 yr. old to please stop wiping her nose on Mom's arm, 1 yr. old manages to squirt out a blob of lotion the size of an egg yolk (enough to moisturize everyone on our pew.)

There is a commotion while everyone clamors to get a fair share of lotion.

There is a whispered discussion about what amount is fair.

3 yr. old changes seats nine times.

3 yr. old takes off shoes and puts them on her hands which she begins clapping together.

Dad takes 3 yr. old out for some "laying on of hands."

1 yr. old chants "Biiiii-baaaaah" repeatedly while banging on her Bible.

1 yr. old cries when Bible gets taken away from her after Mom gets smacked in the face with it.

1 yr. old changes chant to "Buuuuuu-baaaaah" when she notices The Bubba serving at the communion table.

Mom has to remind the oldest 3 to open their Bibles.

We have had what I call "pew training" in which I put on a Bible audio CD and have everyone practice sitting quietly and reading along many times in the past. It seems that it is time for some more sessions. I don't recall if we've done it since 1 yr. old was born, and apparently, 3 yr. old has no recollection of it. Today, it was made clear to me that our family, and the rest of the folks in our congregation, would benefit from some practice in the art of listening quietly.


- me - said...

aww, this was today? i must have been snoozing. maybe they're not as loud as it seems. :)

Jenig said...

yep, we have done regular 'sit quietly' lessons as soon as the kids hit about one year old. it is very handy for church, doctors office visits, etc. however, we have also found that duct taping them to the pew is also quite effective.

JavaMama said...

I am so glad that you posted your Sunday experience, it reminded me for one that I am not alone and two that I need to also do our quiet times on the couch. I didn't think about playing an audio.

I actually just started working as the nursery cordinator at our church so I am no longer in worship service and my husband this last Sunday attempted to keep them before and after their classes with out much success. He was a frazzled daddy to say the least. I am going to help him out!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the chuckel. I only have 2 kids and 1 husband (who thinks he is a kid). At times I think we need to go over pew rules before church.

Linsey said...

I just said we are like a 3 ring circus at Church. In and out with the 9 month old, the 4 and 3 yr old are playing in the floor or needing to go pee. I know everyone is tired of seeing me walk in and out with 1 of our kids! Maybe I will try pew practice!

Keith Hollar said...

"Laying on of hands"! That is hilarious!

Bethanie said...

So funny!

Headmistress, zookeeper said...

It's probably not at ALL nice of me, but I thought this was all hilarious.

Have I mentioned the time we were working very hard on teaching the Cherub to play catch? She has trouble letting go of things in a controlled fashion, and couldn't throw at all.

One Sunday a small toy went sailing across the building- at least five pews in front of us. It was the Cherub's toy. That wasn't at all funny, but your post is.;-)

Liz said...

Oh my word, I'm dying, literally dying laughing!! I'm seriously suffering from preggy induced insomnia (why I'm up and reading blogs at a very bad hour) and this is the most hillarious thing I have read in ages!!!! Thanks for the laugh. I have 4 kids and I think from Sunday to Sunday that sometimes they lose their everlovin' minds. One week I have angels, front row angels, not a peep all looking at the hymnal during song service and the next week I have bohemians who have never seen a communion tray in their lives, you know when they hold onto it for like 7 hours before they pass it to the sweet older lady who is looking a little less sweet, since her concentration on Jesus's death has just been interrupted by little kid looking at their reflection in the tray. Sorry to hijack the comments section but I had to laugh.

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