Several weeks ago, I don't remember how, I came across some photos of the cutest little girl. I browsed through them and marveled at her beautiful eyes and the sheer joy that shone from them. I thought her parents must be very blessed to have such a happy child.
Then, this week I came upon her mother's blog, The Spohrs Are Multiplying, and realized I had found her again.
In just a few short minutes, I went from delighted to see that sweet face to horrified to find that she had recently passed away.
I read each post, from the time of her sudden illness to the most recent, and wept over her family's unbearable pain.
I hope I never know the excruciating feeling of living life without a child that was once such a tremendous blessing.
I do know the pain of suddenly losing my own father in a tragic accident and the shock that follows. I know the bewilderment of knowing that he just walked out the door, healthy and whole, and never came back.
I think anyone who has been through something like that has an awareness that most people don't have. We know the altogether tragic and beautiful secret that life, every day, every moment, is a tender, fragile gift.
I am in no way trying to say, "See? There's a silver lining, so cheer up!" Just that if any good can come out of tragedy, it is to remember to cherish the time we are given with our loved ones.
When I occasionally hear a mother lament that she can not WAIT until her toddler is potty trained or her preschooler can tie his own shoes or her teen is grown, I secretly think, "But what if today is the last day you ever get to tie his shoes or change her diaper? Would you be wishing away this time if these were the last moments you would ever have?"
When I wrote this post about my husband and children being stranded out of cell phone range and waiting for a tow truck while I was at home wondering if they were alive or dead, I got a comment or two about how I shouldn't worry about such things.
But I know all too well that life is fragile. Each one of us may be only a breath away from eternity. Or from any of our loved ones entering into eternity.
Every day, every moment is precious. We do not know which day will be the last day we have to love.
6 comments:
You are very right. I learned my lesson the hard way and I try very hard not to take anything for granted! And moment by moment each day!
Connie, she is so beautiful. What a heartache. I think the same things you write, and yet, i am usually speaking to myself! :) "Don't wish this stage away."
I come from such an extreme, fear-based daily life, though, that I am having to learn to come out of. I have this sort of mind that wants to immediately jump to the WORST case scenario no matter what, and daily, multiple times. I've been this way for forever. I think in a weird way, I thought that if I was aware and prepared then when something terrible happened I would be better prepared. What I did, though, was to live in such fear that I could scarcely handle life.
I am finding that there is such a balance between loving, treasuring, storing up, enjoying, delighting in and holding on to...and putting my fears into the Lord's hands and letting him carry them for me.
I have wanted to be careful and not swing on my pendulum to the other side where I think everything is "la la" and nothing bad can ever happen...because that simply isn't true. Instead, God is helping me to find joy and contentment in each day - more joy than I ever thought I could - but whenever the fear over "what could happen" starts to press in I am able to put it right back into the Lord's hands. "You take it Lord."
I know that is simple for people who already are able to live this way, and it is such a fundamental Christian thought...to let God carry our worries...but it is something I have always struggled with. In a way, it was my own self sufficiency. "I can carry it. I must carry it. I must be prepared." But humanly speaking, that kind of fear and stress causes a host of really bad problems!
Hey, just thought I'd share from the craziness of my own mind. :)
Summation: Cherish, cherish, cherish...but don't let fear own you.
You are right, Holly. It is a balancing act. I try to remember that God has ordained our days here on earth. There is a time to be born and a time to die for every one of us. This post was a reminder to myself, too.
(Hi, Shari!)
Thank you for the reminder. I know I haven't been making the most of my moments lately. I need to quit taking them for granted.
And I still struggle sometimes - usually when I can not sleep at night. (When will I learn that I can not handle caffeine at 5 p.m.? :)
The night before you posted this, I lay awake. My mind immediately jumped to a trip that my husband and three eldest are going to take soon. Whew...that old fear just about took back over. Now that I am more aware of it, however, I am able to say to myself....YOU are over-reacting because you are tired. Give it a rest, and see how you think about it in the morning. :) And when morning came, I realized how close I had come, again, to letting fear dominate my heart. It takes practice, for me.
I know this isn't even what you were talking about, Connie...somehow I got off onto my weirdness. :)
This in no way detracts from your wonderful encouragements to love those around us, fully, every day - and to not wish each precious moment away. Those are needful words, particularly when the days are mostly filled with diapers to change and laundry to do and meals to cook. :)
Thanks, sweetie!
I find its just too easy when I am struggling to wish away my life. Even now with too many projects on I keep thinking 'If I can just finish this... then I will be free to enjoy that...' But that never comes.
I find it difficult to enjoy every moment of every day. There are days when I wish that day would never end, but many when I long for it to end. And I have weeks like that too: Weeks that I long to end.
Partly I think our 21st century lives have got too complex and we have lost the intimacy of relationship with our Father. But also I think we let those complexities get in the way. I long for a way to refresh every day my relationship with my Father in heaven, my wife on earth and my kids...
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