Friday, May 29, 2009

How Not to Respect Your Husband

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Monday will be my 24th wedding anniversary. I was 18 when we married, so there was a whole world of information I didn't know.

I have learned a LOT these past 24 years, most of it the hard way. Since I just blogged about Love and Respect, I thought I would share some of the things I have learned not to do:

  1. 1.Correct your husband. Can you imagine former first lady, Laura Bush interrupting her husband to say, "It's nuc-LEE-ar, not nuc-YOO-lar!" then rolling her eyes?
  2. 2.Re-do something you have asked him to do because he didn't do it "right". If you have asked your husband do the girls' hair, don't rearrange it with a burdensome sigh. If how it looks is important, do it yourself.
  3. 3.Treat him like a child. Asking him why he didn't wear sunscreen or reminding him "That 'ding' means we are low on gas." is assuming he can't think for himself. He is a grown man. You are not his mother.
  4. 4.Share in a group how you "can NOT beLIEVE he ACTUALLY remembered your birthday... this year" or some other thing that sounds like a praise report, but is actually an attempt to let everyone know what a disappointment he usually is.
  5. 5.Wish aloud that you could afford to have fill in the blank. Would you tell your pastor or your grandfather that you wish he could make you happier?
  6. 6.Whenever he makes a decision, no matter how small, question his judgment. This way you can be sure that in no time at all you will be making all the decisions.
  7. 7.Ask all the ladies in your study group to pray that he will finally step up and be the leader in your family. Be sure to detail the way he never gets involved in decisions anymore.
  8. 8.Make sure he knows you think the children are more important than he is. Remind him often by telling others in his presence that everything you do is for the children.
  9. 9.When he buys you a gift, find fault with it. "It's the wrong color, size, style. You know we can't afford this. etc..."
  10. 10.Reverse his decisions regarding the children. If he tells the children they can have some candy before dinner, tell them "Mommy said 'no' because she cares about health and nutrition." Add a heavy sigh.
  11. 11.Bring up past mistakes often. Only his, though. Act as if you are mistake free.
  12. 12.Talk often and at length about how you admire So and So's husband because he coaches little league, teaches Bible class, goes grocery shopping, or something else your husband doesn't do.

I won't embarrass myself by telling you how many of these I have actually done. Suffice to say I have learned that these are some ways to make it very difficult for your husband to feel loving toward you.

Can you think of any others?


Dana~Are We There Yet? said...

As Voddie Baucham says, "If ya cain't say 'AMEN', ya oughtta be sayin', 'OUCH'!" So...AMEN!

I love my husband, and I love loving him in ways that make him FEEL loved. Extolling his virtues to our children, extended family and strangers on airplanes is a favorite pastime. This is an excellent list, Connie. You've done us all a great service.



Kris said...

Great list! Here's one that, fortunately, I learned from the ladies I used to work with soon enough to avoid doing this to my husband:

Be sure to only tell your friends/co-workers all the BAD things that your husband does, never the good. That way, they all realize what an ogre you married.

Anonymous said...

Great list...think I am guilty of one of those tonight...been one of those days...Thanks for the reminder to love and respect even on "those days"

Holly said...

Whew. Good thing I've *never* done any of these things. :)


Anonymous said...

What jumps out to me is that all of those are sins of the tongue. What a powerful tool to either build up or tear down.


Sasha @ Cherished Moments said...

I am certainly guilty of a few of them. Thank you for the great reminder that it is time to sort out our approach on things in private, and present a UNITED front to the toddler.

Renee said...

Thank you for all the reminders that every Christian wife SHOULD know, but sometimes pride and flesh reign supreme. I definitely needed those reminders...Thanks so much for the book too..what a blessing...

Henny said...

this is a great post!!

A Blessed Wife and Mom said...

Good post! It certainly makes a gal think twice about the way we are talking to/treating/loving our husbands. One a slightly different note, here is post from a great blog about things that we do to our men... we all will see ourselves (past or present) somewhere!

Jennifer said...

Amen on #1 and #3 especially! It is so hard for me to want to build my husband up in the eyes of others when I am frustrated with something he is doing.

Thanks for this great reminder. I will be praying for you to purposefully respect and build up your husband!

Anonymous said...

how about:
*be sure to do things with your girlfriends that you know he would not approve of (ie -- certain movies, spending too much money shopping..ect), blowing off his disapproval to your friends. Then be sure to manipulate him with tears and whining later...successfully assuring that he will stop talking to you because he can't deal with your emotional manipulation.
I'm just sayin' =P

Cardamom said...

How true - and how difficult it is in this fallen world to not do/say these things! Another very convicting book is "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace. Blessings!

Miche said...

Great post and very cute way to present real marriage issues. AND congrats on 24 years of marraige! We just had our 5th; it is amazing how time flies!

Raising Olives said...

Happy Anniversary! Ours is on Wednesday, number 14 for us.

I always think it's interesting that women do not realize that by belittling their husbands they are demonstrating their incompetency also. First of all because God says that the man and the woman in marriage are one flesh. Secondly, the wife picked him. Shame on her for such poor decision making.


Aunt LoLo said...

There are some GREAT reminders on there. The way a toddler's hair looks, or what she's wearing, isn't that important. It just isn't.

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