Wednesday, December 17, 2008

A Change of Pace

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*Edited to add "The Active Sleeper"

Today, for a change, I thought I would blog about...

Gingerbread houses.

WAIT! Don't run away! I'm only kidding.

I have been thinking about the different personality types of my children. I'm no expert, but these are the types I have observed.

  1. The Crumb Spewer - This child, when eating chips, cookies, or crackers will not create a seal around said food with their lips when taking a bite. They open their lips into a wide smile, so as not to contaminate their lips with any crumbs, veritably SPEWING crumbs within a two foot radius. No attempt at suggesting they chew with their mouth closed will yield favorable results, for, as they point out, they aren't technically chewing yet, only "biting".

  2. The Close Walker - When crossing parking lots or navigating through a crowded church auditorium, this child will feel compelled to walk within a quarter inch of your side, while varying the speed and rhythm of their gait. Just for kicks, they will also stay slightly in front of you, altering your course, so by the time you should have reached your destination, say the entrance to Wal Mart, you are actually headed directly for the vacant lot to the east. My theory is that these children are vying for position as the "alpha wolf", but I could be wrong.

  3. The Active Sleeper - This child is only truly at rest during naptime or bedtime when he or she is rolling over on your hair or giving you a sharp knee to the kidney or rubbing the back of your calf with his toes or touching your eyelashes or tracing your lips with his index finger, until you begin to wonder where it was that you put that roll of duct tape. It is advisable that you not turn your back on this child, as a finger in the eye is better than a knee to the back.

  4. The Over Explainer - This child gives very lengthy examples, usually unrelated to the lesson, always when you are behind schedule, and always ending an inaudible word. Any attempt at getting them to repeat ONLY the word, will result in them REPEATING THE ENTIRE STORY, ending with the same inaudible word. Repeat 5 times.
  • Example:

    Kid: "This one time... when I was playing outside... (long pause) uuummmmm... a bird, it was a red bird... a CARDINAL! It was a cardinal, and I could tell it was a male because male birds are always brighter than females... aaaaaannnd... that is so the females will be safe from predators... (long pause, eyes searching the ceiling, perhaps for the point of this rambling story) she, I mean HE because you call boys "he" not "she"! (lapses into a giggling fit) He flew to the swing set and I saw him SNERKLEFITZ!

    Mom: "You saw him what?"

    Kid: "This one time... when I was playing outside... (long pause) uuummmmm... a bird, it was a red bird... a CARDINAL! It was a cardinal, and I could tell it was a male because male birds are always brighter than females... aaaaaannnd...

    Mom: (Trying desperately not to allow the tremor in her voice to be audible.) "Wait. I understood everything except what you saw him do. Remember, we are trying to read this whole chapter of Acts before lunch and we have only read two verses. What did the bird do after he flew to the swing set?"

    Kid: "This one time... when I was playing outside... (long pause) uuummmmm... a bird, it was a red bird... a CARDINAL! It was a cardinal, and I could tell it was a male because male birds are always brighter than females... aaaaaannnd...

    At this point some mothers would want to throw the Bible up into the air and run screaming into the street plucking out their eyelashes.

    Not that I have ever wanted to. I'm just hypothesizing, here.

    So, what personality types do you have in your family?


      Jen said...

      I always say that my boy should be a lawyer, as he "reasons" everything, and by the time he is through, you can actually understand where he is coming from.

      My daughter is addleminded. By that I mean she is someone that has to be constantly reminded to "FOCUS!!!" That is my key word to her when she goes way offtrack!

      Christi said...

      I have a over explainer and a variation on the close walker. My oldest (while having some close walker tendancies) has the ability to know when it's inconvienient and will go on and on and on until I am gritting my teeth so I don't say "shut up already." I should mention that I have never told my children shut up (and they are not allowed to say it at all) but I have been so tempted.

      My close walker is a 5 year old who only walks when he is in his favorite spot, 6 inches in front of me. This walk though is a very slow m.e.a.n.d.e.r, usually when I am in a hurry. He must have eyes in the back of his head because the only way to get around him is to say "stop meandering in front of me."

      Anonymous said...

      We have Motor-Mouth Mabel and Fingers McCoy. My mother-in-law came up with those names.

      The oldest is Fingers McCoy. She cannot sit still, she must fidget all the time, and everything she sees, she must also touch. So obviously her schooling is "hands-on"!

      Then we have Motor-Mouth Mabel who can string such a story it just makes you laugh uncontrollably. She is quite much of the time, but when she imagines up something, you better be ready and not have anything in your mouth!

      Great post!

      Smockity Frocks said...

      Christi, My kids think that's the "S" word. I have never wanted to shout out that word, but I'm sure those mothers who think of screaming down the street plucking out their eyelashes have. They're loose cannons, I tell ya.

      Anonymous said...

      You still make me laugh!!!!

      Holly said...

      Yes. I have two of each type.

      Ohhhhhhhhhh man. You summed it up.

      And you know, I'm just SO THANKFUL that NONE of this EVER gets on my nerves when WE ARE IN THE HOUSE CLOSE TOGETHER ALL WINTER!!! No, not me. I'm a saintly type.


      (Okay. My kids do these things and I am about to go insane!) :)

      And you made me LAUGH!

      Linz said...

      LOL :o) I'm betting the overexplainer is child I right? That conversation sounds a lot like some we had when I would ask them how their week went before we started bible class. ;o)

      Hope you're having a good day. I can't wait to see the new Christmas pjs!

      Karen said...

      I won't explain the personality types in my house, but I was laughing so hard as I was crying as I read your post. I can definitely relate to all of those!

      Anonymous said...

      OH my gosh that is hilarious! I have all three of those--two emobodied in one kid also!

      Also one that is like an ant (no clever name there - antboy?) ANyway, you know how an ant never ever just stops and thinks for a while but are always always moving... not necessarily doing anything, just going somewhere,always... and if you want to finish what you're saying you find yourself traveling around the room to maintain eye contact or just curious to see where he's going this time.

      Kitty said...

      Hilarious!!!! I just found your blog today, and I have to make time to visit often.

      Honey said...

      1. "space cadet girl"-I lover her, but she is not "tuned in" to the planet earth at times.
      2. "sniff out injustice girl"- coyly asks why brother has 6 potato chips and she only has 5
      3. "Mr. Planner" this boy tells me what the agenda is for the day, until I remind him, "Mommy decides what we do today-not you". He also packs his clothes and makes a list 2 weeks before the sleepover birthday party. Has been known to ask me, " why are we stopping at the library when just a minute ago you said we were going straight home?"
      4. part super hero (a legend in his own mind) part politician/salesman/talk show host or some other profession involving people and talking!!!
      5. This boy is the twin and polar opposite of #4. He has little use for people and prefers machines. Constantly tinkers. Mechanical to a fault-I say fault because he took screws out of his bink bed-do not try this at home!!!

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