Monday, October 22, 2007

A Citizen of the Library

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I got some interesting comments in this post about huge library fines for overdue books. Lora Lynn wins the prize for the largest fine and the most unorthodox use of library books. Jennifer wins honorable mention for being the first to make me gasp with the report of her fine.

All that got me to thinking about what I would do if I owed more than $200 for overdue books. You know, it's not that hard to imagine when you check out as many books as we do and the fines accrue daily. Plus, the whole scatterbrain factor I have going on.

So, here is the plan I came up with. First of all, I would wait until dark and, using my stealthy moves, sneak into the library. Then, upon being discovered in the daylight hours, I would request amnesty for any past debts. To fully maximize the benefits to me, I would time this just right so that I would actually deliver my baby inside the library.

That way, my baby, whom we would name Librarienne, would be a citizen of the library and would receive all of the benefits of using the library without being held accountable for paying any expenses or fines. Then, since I am the baby's mother, I would also be eligible for the benefits.

I have noticed that the temperature in the library is always a moderate 72 degrees. There are bathrooms, computers, and all the books you can read! All of this would be available for my baby - and for me. At no cost! After all, all of those amenities are already being provided. Why pay for it when we can get it for free?

I could even arrange for the rest of my family to sneak in so they would also receive amnesty for their fines. Sure, the library personnel would probably insist that we are trespassing and should leave immediately, but we would simply cry "Coldhearted Conservatives!"

I think this might actually work. It seems like I've heard of this type of thing happening before.


Lora Lynn said...

Yes, but what did I win? I could have bought almost nine of your aprons with what I spent on the dog's library fees. :-)

I like your plan. But I think you should name her "Dewey Decimal."

- Linz - said...

Hey, I left a comment on the post before annd i looked and my post on the "baby name ideas" blog Did post. So you should go find it again b/c i like my ideas ;)
I also have 2 small stray sweaters (one blue, one pink) that showed up in my living room last night looking for a home...ya interested? :)

Michelle said...

ROFL! Now, that, Myfriendconnie, was funny. Whew, need to go catch my breath.

JunkMale said...

You forgot the part where you never learn how to communicate with the library staff in their own language.

You are cool.

Heather said...

I think that this would really work well if the library was housed in a building that was formerly a church like our old public library - then you could claim sanctuary as well as citizenship!

Also, it really helps to marry an employee of the library - they are a bit more gracious with you!

Just think of the books your donation will provide for the library - it really is a blessing! Our local library has started to use a collection agency because there are over $200000 in past due fines! What a crime! It's a public service folks!

Tiffany said...

Hi Connie! This was cracking me up - this is exactly why I avoided the library like the plague for the past few years. I finally broke down a few months ago because I figured I'd better get Little Bit used to the library (he LOVES it!). guessed the answer to my mystery! =) I had fun going through the name post comments getting ideas. Have y'all settled on names yet? I missed such much during my bloggy hiatus!

Myfriendconnie@SmockityFrocks said...

Lora Lynn, You get a good feeling inside. (That's my stock answer when my kids ask, "What do I get?")

Linz, The pink sweater may be MaddieLynn's and I'm not sure about the blue one.

Tiffany, We're leaning toward Paityn for our baby's name.

Suki said...

I know you were shooting for humor, but honestly your "parody" strikes me as more mean-spirited than anything. Definitely not the tone I expect from this blog, which is usually one of positivity and uplifting, not putting down.

Myfriendconnie@SmockityFrocks said...

Yes, Suki, it is mean when a person takes something that doesn't belong to him or her and expects someone else to pay for it. It is called stealing, and it is illegal.

Suki said...

You know Connie, the post itself didn't bug me that much, but your response to my comment sure did. I think it's interesting how something and someone who claims to be positive can quickly show their true colors when challenged in the least.

I didn't challenge your views on illegal immigration or state mine- for all you know, I agree with your views on illegal immigration 100%. What I took issue with was the mocking tone and, as I said before, mean spirit of your post.

There is a sign on the side of a local church that I always love seeing when I pass by. Accompanied by a picture of Jesus reaching down to a sinner, it reads: don't look down on a man unless you're going to pick him up. I got a real sense of condescension from both your original post and your reponse to my comment that made me question whether I can honestly include this blog on the list of positive and uplifting blogs I enjoy reading.

Myfriendconnie@SmockityFrocks said...

Suki, You say my original post didn't bug you "that much", yet you labeled it as "mean spirited" and "putting down" in oyour first comment.

I really don't understand how it is mean spirited to point out that taking something that doesn't rightfully belong to a person is illegal. I think what is mean spirited is to steal things that others have because they may be nicer than the things you have.

I'm sorry if you aren't comfortable reading that.

Anonymous said...

During the past month, I have spent alot of time reading your entire blog - from the first entry to this one. I have been enjoying reading about your life and that of your family. I was excited to get to October; then I could add your blog to my Blog Reader and keep up and continue to enjoy reading your blog. There are many of your oppinions with which I disagree. They have come out loud and clear on your blog and not ONCE I have thought that you were arriving at them from a place of meanspiritedness. Not until this entry. I am sorry to say goodbye to your blog. Not because we dissagree but because the tone of your post, and the tone of your response to suki's comments show that you are inflexible and intransigent when someone points out a way in which you have been uncharitable in your tone. Best wishes and many Blessings to you and yours.

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